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Oscar Fashion Review, by Héléne Bouffant
Bonjour, my little golden statuettes! It was with great joy and a keen eye for criticism that I watched this year’s Academy Awards. Hollywood’s annual masturbatory fashion event has come and gone to...
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Linda Roy Records ~ Wry Generation…The…Who?
My teenage son and I were watching the concert for Hurricane Sandy Relief while The Who were onstage. He knows their music. His father and I are musicians and we make sure our kids are schooled in...
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How I’m Filling That 30 Rock Void ~ Ginny Leise
Now that 30 Rock is over, I’m hunting for a replacement show to fill the void. TV, as a whole, is in great shape right now. There are so many great shows out there it’s a struggle to keep up with...
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Memories of my America – Of Liberace and The Hope Diamond
Colombians are prone to embellishment, to taking a story and making it even grander. It was Gabriel Marquez, the famed Colombian novelist, who proclaimed, “To Colombians, life is a stage.” My mother...
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DON’T CLICK SEND!: The 5 Worst Dating Message Mistakes – Mallory Schlossberg
I’m a big proponent of the Internet dating scene. Why? You can talk to the opposite sex while looking at animated GIFs, you don’t have to see the guy’s “I’m-rejecting-you-face” when he rejects you,...
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You Poor, Stupid, Sad, Fat Girl by Adrianne Frost
In the movies and on television, fat girls have it pretty bad. Frankly, fat girls are fucked. End of story. I personally have died twice, as a poor, stupid, sad, fat girl. The first time I died, it...
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Spring Fashion by Héléne Bouffant
Bounjour, my little pullets (those are baby hens, and they are fabulous with a little sage!) Welcome to the April edition of my fashion column here at Funny Not Slutty! I love April, because it means...
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The Tampon Virgin – Kate Chamuris
Remember your first time? Using a tampon, I mean! In this video by Kate Chamuris (featuring Chamuris with Ruby Marez and Hannah Chase), there is some serious girl-talk about losing one’s…tampon...
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K A B L O O E Y’s Dope of the Day: The Self-Pitying Dieter
There’s always one woman at every Weight Watchers meeting who acts like she’s the guest on a talk show, and the rest of us are her audience. When the topic of giant red wine glasses came up (you know,...
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Anne Frank Responds to Justin Bieber – Jenn Dodd
After visiting the Anne Frank Museum, where Anne lived in hiding for two years with her family during the Holocaust, Justin Bieber signed the guest book “Hopefully Anne Frank would have been a...
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Fashion Tips for Broke Girls – Ginny Leise
Us broke girls take a certain pride in being low-maintenance. Go all winter gaff taping your boots together? No big deal. Pairing a mealy t-shirt with a mini you outgrew years ago? That’s Saturday....
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Suburban Haiku ~ Peyton Price
The funny ladies age much better than the sluts and get less TDs. Dress code addendum: extra coats of mascara do not count as clothes. It is nice weather but not wifebeater weather, Mom in spike heel...
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“The Louise Log” Launches a Seed & Spark Campaign To Fund Season 3
Louise Log Seed & Spark Campaign Louise is hurriedly on her way to pick the kids up at school, when she happens upon an old art school acquaintance, Steve. A “stop and chat” ensues wherein he...
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God Is the Ultimate Wingman – Linda Roy
God is blazing a technological trail into the 21st Century. And how is the all knowing Creator doing it? He’s running a dating site. God is the ultimate wing man. He’s the Heavenly Host with the...
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Poor Girls Morning Routine Part 1 – Mirra Laes
No car insurance? Oh well. No food money? As long as there’s still cheese in the fridge we’re fine. Run out of eyeliner and foundation? We have now entered a LEVEL 10 SPECIAL ALERT PANIC ZONE. Let...
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Game of Kardashians. It could happen.
The third season of Game of Thrones is over and I’m feeling down. You too? Or are you happy you don’t have to listen to all this “Mother of Dragons” crap at work anymore when you’d rather talk about...
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What to wear this summer when sitting by the pool and making sure the...
Hello my little seal skins! Welcome to summer! I don’t know about you because I make it a rule not to speak to the public, but I cannot wait for swimsuit season. Yes, Héléne Bouffant loves to wear the...
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Poor Girls Morning Routine Part 2 – Mirra Laes
Continued from Part 1 Face washed: meh. SPF lotion on: maybe. Unibrow deconstruction attempt: Ugh. Okay, now I’m ready for makeup. The first makeup item is foundation, I don’t use that primer crap...
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Ten Signs You’re This Side of Middle Age ~ Alexandra
Middle age, halfway through your life. Suppose you live to be 72, divide that in half, and 36 is your middle age. Sounds so young, and yet… you’re not. You can do the math to figure out if you’re on...
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No Show: My One Woman Show Indiegogo Campaign ~ Jenn Dodd
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/no-show-a-one-woman-show/x/2493684 Hello all of you funny-not-slutty’s, slutty-but-funny’s and lovers of hoo-ha ha-ha’s! I have been a proud contributor for Funny Not...
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